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  • Actual Court Sayings!

    12.22.2007 | 7:34 am | Jokes

    Actual Court Sayings!

    30 things people actually said in court

    Question 1.
    Q: What is your date of birth?
    A: July 15th
    Q: What year?
    A: Every year.

    Question 2.
    Q: What gear were you in the moment of impact?
    A: Gucci sweets and Reeboks.

    Question 3.
    Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory
    A: Yes.
    Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
    A: I forget.
    Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you have forgotten?

    Question 4.
    Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
    A: 38 or 35, I can’t remember which.
    Q: How long has he lived with you?
    A: 45 years

    Question 5.
    Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
    A: He said “Where am I, Cathy?”
    Q: And why did that upset you?
    A My name is Susan.

    Question 6.
    Q: And where was the location of the accident?
    A: Approximatly milepost 499.
    Q: And where is milepost 499?
    A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.

    Question 7.
    Q: Sir, What is your IQ?
    A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.

    Question 8.
    Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
    A: After the accident?
    Q: Before the accident.
    A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.

    Question 9.
    Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
    A: We both do.
    Q: Voodoo?
    A: We do.
    Q: You do?
    A: Yes, Voodoo.

    Question 10.
    Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendent, were you red and blue lights flashing?
    A: Yes
    Q: Did the defendent say anything when she got out of her car?
    A: Yes sir
    Q: What did she say?
    A: What disco am I at?

    Question 11.
    Q: Now doctor, isnt it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesnt know about it until the next morning?

    Question 12.
    Q: The youngest son, the 22 year old, how old is he?

    Question 13.
    Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

    Question 14.
    Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?

    Question 15.
    Q: Did he kill you?

    Question 16.
    Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of collision?

    Question 17.
    Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?

    Question 18.
    Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

    Question 19.
    Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
    A: Yes.
    Q: What were you doing at the time?

    Question 20.
    Q: She had three children right?
    A: Yes.
    Q: How many were boys?
    A: none.
    Q: Were there any girls?

    Question 21.
    Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
    A: yes
    Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

    Question 22.
    Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather eleborate honeymoon, didnt you?
    A: I went to Europe, Sir.
    Q: And you took your new wife?

    Question 23.
    Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
    A: By death.
    Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

    Question 24.
    Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
    A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

    Question 25.
    Q: Can you describe the individual?
    A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
    Q: Was this a male or female?

    Question 26.
    Q: Doctor how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
    A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

    Question 27.
    Q: All your responses must be oral, OK,? What school did you go to?
    A: Oral

    Question 28.
    Q: Do you recall the time you examined the body?
    A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
    Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
    A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

    Question 29.
    Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

    Question 30.
    Q:Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for breathing?
    A: No.
    Q: So it was possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
    A: No.
    Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    A: Because his brains was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    Q: But could the patien have still been alive nevertheless?
    A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

    Tags: Jokes

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